All M!a

Death

10:31 AM, Monday, January 14, 2008 .. 0 comments .. Link

Something that really scares me lately is Death. Honest to God. Death, that five letter word just screams the unknown in our future. But why do we (as humans) fear the unknown? I don't know, and again thats what scares me.
No knowing when you'll have to meet your maker and not knowing what will happen is almost just as worse.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where if I die now. . I know for sure I'd have something to be scared about.
I'm scared that I'm not a muslimah, I'm scared that I won't have enough: enough blessings, enough good actions (deeds), and enough knowledge.
But what does that mean? How does that play a role on my life? What am I going to do about it?
My being scared of dying, means I need to prepare to work hard on my Islam, i think i know that much. I have alot to work on when it comes to Islam and I'm not sure I can do it by myself but I'm frightened at the mere idea of me telling anyone (muslim) that I'm not sure if I'm muslim. . .so how do I help myself with Islam if I don't have help? I've learned that if I don't have the right type of help from the right people . . my trying and hard work won't accomplish anything on its own.
Death plays a large role on every muslims life. Its part of the reason why we live the way we do right? I mean we live to do good and worship Allah so that later on we can meet our maker and go to paradise for living to die right? So to play a large role on my life I have to first start with the worshiping Allah part. I know for sure I don't do that enough . . but where do I start? its crazy how hard it is for me to even think about trying all this out at a time in my life like now. . .
So that leads to the Big Q what am I going to do about it ? What can I? i don't have a big idea just clues . . so we'll see where that leads me in the next few days. . .
Meanwhile, i have to deal with my big marriage problem . . .sadly love is something i don't wanna deal with with death and religion playing games with my head . . .but marriage is the key to having a life long partner and thats one thing i can't do without.
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