All M!a

Just here

11:25 AM, Monday, March 24, 2008 .. 1 comments .. Link

I don't know . . IDK IDK . . .
I feel as if now I am just here. Listening to what pple want me to do, tell me to do. Just on auto mode. I think I've always felt this way at home. If I am anywhere close to her then I sorta end up on auto, doing the best I can and not getting on her darkside.
I think this is how I end up feeling weak and out of control. Its soo ugh. I feel melotone. I don't have all of that pos energy or any for that matter. I just feel soo exhausted all of the time. I don't even feel as if I can write in my special journal that much. I can't (don't?) express my self as much I just kinda give in, do as I am told and if not that then I try to get them back for me doing what they want, I do the very min of everything and just yeah. . .I don't even wanna know how I look on the outside. I took all the meds they got me on, and I make sure I have a smile and a thank you on my lips for family things . . I just generally feel miserable and as if I'm living in someone elses life. . . my friends are non existant. don't ask me about my romantic life. my self motivation comes from knowing that there is something better than this and bigger than life. I have things. Fun. I should be grateful. I'm not. I am very negitive right now not doing much. especially compared to before. I am not even doing good in school anymore. my grades are falling and along with it my life skills and self motivation. lets just say I'm grateful for 3 things, 1 my bed 2 my bedroom 3 tears
sounds pretty fed up huh? sucks. yeah. but really thats all I can count on at the end of the day. and plz don't ask about my dreams . . I just need more meds serisously.
so now here I am . . .just here. . listening to music. . .waiting for time to pass me by so I can go to class see if I failed or not and ditch . . .we're watching a movie and I think personal training is outta the picture so I don't need to know anything on the vid (not even for the test ) we have a few weeks left of schoool and I'm extremely grateful to mr shaw for letting me at least visit MN.
I am soo sick of that too btw. I can't stand that I get comfy then we have to leave. . I get comfy then they snatch it away. I get comfy and then ups something happens. . . one day I'm going to just get outta this and I'll be soo happy. I think . . I don't know what I want now a days
<3 Mia
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dun worry

09:48 PM, Monday, May 5, 2008 .. Posted by anthil
hi there. well i dunno what to really say but one thing from me. just take it as a friens advice. never in your life think negative, even if its sumtign really bad has happen just think tht its all for gud. maybe it happen for you to realise things. if everything nice keeps on happen to you, then there is no chance for you to overcome any problem . you wont be able to faced it. think yourself as a lucky person.. trust me, u can can only trust yourself better than anyone else in this world. think positive all the times. sum times its better to pour all your feelings to a stranger than telling it to someone you noe. tc care dear fren.

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