All M!a

Paramore Lyrics of my Lyfe (con't)

10:26 PM, Wednesday, January 16, 2008 .. 0 comments .. 210980 trackbacks .. Link

►Rock and roll baby, don't you know baby, we're all alone now. . .♦

Yup. I've always known that whatever happens to me is because of what I've done and that I've only got myself, music, and allah to count on. Thats it. I had a really bad experience with my guardian today and trust me I was seriously alone on this one. So I do know for a fact that I can rely on God, being of course #1; I can rely on my music to do its special mood swing, emotional release thing, always!; and lastly I can count on myself, to make it better, to make it worst, to screw things up, to make them up, and all that stuffs. . .whatever, whenever, however, I know that I'm always going to be alone. The main reason being of course my push-everyone-away factor. As my good Friend always tells me, you're alone by choice Sumaiyah! "Eh! You push people away! Especially when they are trying really hard, and getting closer to you, Sumaiyah!" Hes soo right. And I have no clue how to stop it . . I can slow it down when I wanna, but its always there subconsciously, I just will always have that right? I wonder how I'm going to have a family with that in the picture all of the time . . .something I have to work on I guess.. . I know for sure!

►Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone . . .♦nothing! I love just being alone every once and awhile. Okay everynight and morning, in my room. I have no privacy it seems with anything lately. I can't close my door. I have a limit as to how much time I can spend in my room and somehow I can't go anywhere with my friends without my lil bro or a parent present. Talk about a break.

That never happens. . .Betrayal that is. I really never thought that someone would betray me without it being for a really good reason: like when a friend of mine did it because I wasn't treating my body with respect, thats fine I understand in that kind of a situation. But this is ridiculous. I'll forever be talking to journal, paper,myself or this blog every now and again.

►No. . . ♦People shouldn't have to force others believe what they say . .Even if its just saying it again to reassure something. It hurts me that I've made people have to do this. It hurts me that I have to sometimes. It amazing the power humans have over the ones that they love or that love and care about them. People should believe other people they know, and they trust what others say to them. But we don't live in a perfect world and no one in this world is perfect enough to be trusted all the time, without others looking at them with disbelief. . I guess.

►Oh. . .♦ I didn't know that when someone tells you to do something you're supposed to do the opposite. I guess this is a new concept to 4 me. I think I do it a lot also (no if, and's, or but's). I guess its different once someone else does it to you cause then you're all OH!! thats how so-and-so felt when I did it. . .I hate when I do stuff that kills others trust/expectations, especially when you don't remember what you did, and of course when you think that you would never do THAT?! then its all OH! again. . .I did, and thats how it felt.
Then I think, 'Shiz I screwed up.'
How do you tell someone that you're sorry after that? how do you regain their trust? there small spark of light that they had in you? Is that possible.. .
or have I done it again-> Killed another persons expectation and light of hope in me.. . oh, she did it again . . .Gnite peeps. Way 2 go to bed huh?

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Paramore Lyrics of my Lyfe (con't)

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